The Art of Spiritual War

The nature of deception is that nobody realizes they’re deceived when trapped in it. Remember the serpent speaks with a forked tongue; the words may have a right message to them but it’s a smooth subtlety, distracting you from the lie so enormous that it is shrouded in obscurity. Words that are drawn as swords are rarely violent. They are drawn, precisely, cleverly, and patiently. It’s the hidden enemy. It’s the lie that slices you from the back while you’re forward-facing en guarde, or even hidden right in front of you.
Remember the serpent was in the garden, among the very presence of the Creator who walked with Adam in the cool of the day.  And we don’t think that demons go to church?
Be careful what you believe. Most people who have left the faith didn’t make a conscious choice to go serve the darkness. But rather it was a slow fade, a forgetting, a shrinking back, a gnawing unbelief in the consequence of sin.
Judas betrayed our Lord to be crucified but he was a follower of Christ. Do you think betrayal and persecution in this last season id going to come from the pagan, sleeping world? Or from the church? 

-“Know thy enemy and know yourself; in a hundred battles, you will never be defeated.” Sun Tzu

For the shepherds [of the people] have become [like brutes,] irrational and stupid, And have not searched for the Lord or asked about Him or realized their need for Him; Therefore they have not been wise and have not prospered, And all their flocks are scattered. The sound of a report! Behold, [the invader] comes— A great commotion from the country of the north (Babylonia)— To make the cities of Judah A desolation, a haunt and dwelling place of jackals. O Lord, I know that the path of [life of] a man is not in himself; It is not within [the limited ability of] man [even one at his best] to choose and direct his steps [in life]. O Lord, correct me [along with Your people], but with mercy and in just measure— Not in Your anger, or You will crush me and bring me to nothing. Pour out Your wrath on the nations that do not know nor recognize You And on the families that do not call Your name. For they have devoured Jacob; They have devoured him and consumed him And made his land a desolate waste.
Jeremiah 10:21-25 AMP

Pieces of Me (part 6)

I talked to God about something tonight. I hadn’t even realized until now that we needed to talk about it.

But as I prayed it came up. It was about the conversations I used to have with him when I was young. Twelve, thirteen, fourteen.

They were questions, mostly, if not always.

“God why don’t you help me?”

“Don’t you see me?”

“Why aren’t you stopping what’s being done to me?”

“Are you there?….Where are you?”

“Why is this happening God?”

Silence.

I remembered wondering if he cared. I would wonder, if he did care then maybe he wasn’t strong enough. Tonight I asked God if he remembered, too.

It might not make sense to anyone else, but I know that scared and confused girl is still there. Here. Part of me.

So I asked him tonight to help her. To let her know that he sees her. That she is loved, protected, and understood.

And I wept. And so did she. And so, did he.

I blew my nose and dried my tears. I stared at my little girl asleep next to me and I thanked God with all my heart for the gift of her life. And then, tonight, I understood why.

Pieces of Me (part 5)

I’ll never forget the day I was saved from a fatal car wreck.

It was January of 2012, and Adrian was almost 7 months old. I just finished my final exams at Hudson Valley. Exhausted and relieved, I got in my blue little 2005 Saturn and started the car.
But before I left the parking lot I had the strongest urge to avoid taking 787.
It would have seemed natural, after my nerves were mangled from preparing for my tests, to want to get home as quickly as possible. Yet for that very reason, I was determined to drive through South and then downtown Troy, then Lansingburgh until I got to my little apartment on Congress St. in Cohoes, a route that would take me 45 minutes longer with city traffic and stop lights.
I was just coming down the hill into downtown, in bumper-to-bumper traffic gently riding my brakes at 15 to 20 mph when my front wheel detatched from its axle completely.
A calm sense of control took over as I saw I had just enough momentum to swerve off the road and coast on 3 wheels into a little side lot by the DMV.
As I came to a stop in complete safety, a few different realizations came to my thoughts and I sat there weeping at my steering wheel, and not because that little car my grandma gave me had just broke.
First, the empty carseat in the back. This could have happened while my kids were in the car. It could have happened the day before, while I was scrambling to run errands with all four of them including baby Adrian.
But it didn’t.
Second, if I had chosen to take the highway and my wheel detached at 60mph in that vehicle I wouldn’t have survived the flip in that tiny car. Nor the inevitable impact from one to several other vehicles. It was completely against logic to take the longest route home. I had dinner to cook, homework to help with, laundry to wash.
I only knew that I knew I would not take the highway home that day. I didn’t know why.
But God did.
I had no idea my suspension was falling apart underneath that plastic car.
But God knew.
This could have been my last day alive.
But it wasn’t.
I don’t remember the tow truck coming, I don’t even remember who I called after I broke down. (But i can be almost certain it was Mom 💜)
What I do remember is getting home and hugging my children and thanking Jesus for guiding me that day and saving my life.
I have a hundred stories of God’s amazing intervention in my life. I believe there are hundreds more that I won’t know about until the day He does take me home. This is just a crumb of a slice from the cake that is the big picture of His power and love He has shown to me.
And I passed all my exams that day. There’s always icing on the cake. Always.

The Power of Words

Where I live there is a train underpass with low clearance. The stoplight there has a 6 second delay from the time it turns red until it turns green for the intersecting traffic, and the street curve is anomalous for people not used to the area. Often, the resulting aggravation fills the atmosphere in front of our home with f-bombs and hateful name-calling shouted from windows of passing drivers. Now it is a fact that thoughts, emotions, and words are energy, and energy changes matter.
It is no coincidence to me that of the beautiful plants I had in the overlooking window, one died a slow death, and the other is hanging on for dear life. In another example, a plant that sits right where two of my sons (not naming names 😉 ) often stand and argue is really struggling to make it. I have another once flourishing green that is nearly dead right next to where one of my other children (again, not naming names lol) likes to pick contentions with his mom, that I am ashamed to admit, drag on for longer than necessary sometimes.
The point is, words we say matter. How we treat others matters big time and changes the substance of everything with Life in it, especially us human beings. This is a message for me as well as anyone else.
It is written that Life and Death are in the power of the tongue, and that if any man can tame his own tongue, that man would be a perfect man and be able to steer the course of his entire life.
The world is dying because of the corruption and wickedness on the face of it, by US and the Word of God says the whole earth actually groans in pain underneath our sin and it awaits redemption, for the moment Jesus Christ returns to do away with it all. Will we be a part of that redemption?
On the one hand we have the lying, the hatred (equivalent to murder in the eyes of God), greed, cowardice, immorality, and selfishness….on the other hand we have the needy, the helpless, the oppressed, the poor, the downtrodden, the suffering whom God says “he will wipe away every tear from their eyes and there will be no more sorrow or pain or death.”
It will be a day of shame for the arrogant, lofty and proud, and a day of deliverance, a cutting of the cords of abuse, a breaking of chains of slavery for the humble and the outcast. Every valley will be raised up and every mountain shall be laid to the ground. That’s what that means. And it’s coming soon.

Nooks and Crannies

As I looked at this slogan on my favorite “Nooks & Crannies” muffin I had a small moment of wonder. There will come a day when every painful season of your life will be understood from the redeeming perspective of the Father in heaven, if we allow Him. I have read somewhere that sometimes God will break our hearts to save our souls. I believe this to be true. How many disasters and disappointments has He allowed in my own life that have kept me from destruction? From abuses, betrayals, abandonment, to lies, and heart-rending gut-wrenching hurts we have had to endure, not one minute of it has been wasted by God.
Just as the nooks and crannies in the famous English muffin are the parts that catch the butter, the paths of righteousness God leads us in are often the valley of the shadow of death (Psalm 23). It was in those seasons when I have cried out the hardest for His saving hand. And like a Potter places a vessel into the burning kiln, every fiery trial has been used with the end result of strengthening me for His purpose.
Neither should we waste any of those circumstances in which we find ourselves afraid, lonely, wounded, or confused. Because in them we have two choices: we can turn to God and glean the meaning of it, or turn away from Him and right into the ruin He is trying to spare us from. There are many reasons why suffering and loss are allowed in the higher plan. I have simply chosen the best course of action is to place my faith in the one who sees what I can’t see.
When Jesus appeared to His followers after He resurrected from the grave, the disciple Thomas doubted that it was really the Lord standing in front of him. But Jesus graciously offered to him His hands which bore the holes from the piercing nails on the cross. It was then Thomas believed. He woke up.
If you want to find your mission in this life, look at your scars. There will come a day when we see the timeline in it’s completeness. Then we will fully know. Until then, let’s walk each other Home.

Written July 22nd, 2022

Pieces of Me (part 3)

I Am the Punchline to a Rich Man’s Joke.

It’s true. At least once a year you can be sure that amidst a table of wealthy businessmen and colleagues I am the subject of a pretty humorous conversation-starter: “I once had a girl who broke up with me for God.”

Well he isn’t lying.

But if you’ll allow me, I’d like to tell my side of it.

He was charming. Nothing stuck-up or pretentious about him. He was charismatic, confident, brilliant, and his sense of humor could make me laugh until my sides hurt. His super blue eyes together with his beaming smile and cleft chin…I found him to be quite handsome. His achievements and success in life all added to his attractiveness but honestly,  for all the other reasons mentioned above I was completely crazy about this man.

The icing on the cake? My family liked him. I liked his mom. She made me lasagna. I was never letting this one go!

Then, in January 2009, he took me to Mexico. Business first class.

We shopped the artisan jewelry on the cobblestone streets of Playa Del Carmen. Those merchants would pretty much do anything to get your business. “Cheaper than dollar!!” seemed to be the trending bait phrase. I remember one of them assumed we were on our honeymoon and congratulated us as newlyweds. I think I said something like, “No, but soon!”

We took a boat ride to Cozumel under the scorching noon sun. We swam with dolphins. We saw the ziggurat pyramids at the Mayan ruins of  Chichen Itza. We made fun of the taxi’s driving skills (they don’t like to use brakes- only the accelerator and the horn). We had a small riot at a Mexican bar. We slow danced in the night rain to a solo guitarist who beautifully played “One” by U2. But under the intoxicating romance of it all, something was deeply troubling my soul.

Back in the cold New York winter at the beginning of February, I was in my kitchen scanning the radio stations for music that would hopefully dull the restless vibe that was weighing on my heart one day. I landed on a Christian station and my first impulse was to change it right away and go on to the next but it was like everything in my conscience was stopping me from changing the channel.

I recognized the lyrics that had once hit me so powerfully in 2004. It was a song called “Empty Me” by Chris Sligh.

“I’ve had just enough of the spotlight when it burns bright
To see how it gets in the blood
And I’ve tasted my share of the sweet life and the wild ride
And found a little is not quite enough
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.  -Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you-
I’ve seen just enough of the quick buys of the best lies
To know how prodigals can be drawn away
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change… ’cause everything is a lesser thing…compared to you…….so I surrender all….”

It was the words of this song that ripped the blinders from my heart and let me see just how far I had walked away from God those past two and a half years. I knew I was being presented with two choices: keep on walking farther away, or go back.

For the next several days my conscience grew louder. I almost wished I could shut it up. I knew the way I was living was in direct opposition to the very source that saved me five years ago. I knew that if I went back it would mean giving up the things I allowed in my life since then. If I kept walking away from Jesus, I would know all this world has to offer but I would lose him. And I remembered these words: “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Mark 8: 36-37)

Ultimately the first decision I was presented with was like a question being asked in a very clear voice deep in my spirit: “Theresa, are you going to choose Tommy, or me?”

I’d like to say that I didn’t wrestle over this. I wish I could honestly say I didn’t go back and forth, dreaming up compromise with how I could straddle the fence and somehow have both. But I can’t.

It was the morning of Valentine’s Day. Tommy woke me up with coffee and a gift. It was a thoughtfully made scrapbook of pictures of us in Mexico. He had labeled each photograph with our quirky one-liners and inside jokes. But as I flipped through the pages, all I could think about was the decision I had been trying to avoid.

“Hey, is something wrong? What’s going on with you “, he asked me. I guessed it was obvious. This was it. I had dreaded this very moment for almost two weeks. Silently I asked myself, “Do I love him enough to go to hell for him?”…..

There was no other way to say it than to just say it.

I remember him staring at me blankly, then laughing. First nervously, then hysterically. Maybe he saw tears in my eyes, I don’t know. He did eventually realize I was serious, though.

“Wait. You’re breaking up with me… for GOD?!?”

I knew how crazy it sounded. I heard the words I said. I knew I couldn’t explain it to him any better in English than if I were to speak in Chinese. But I knew this was between me and the Lord now.

In the next weeks that followed, my family was furious with me. My friends had all thought I’d lost my mind. I wasn’t immediately right back to walking in complete faith again. I was actually mad at God. I spent months working back at the bar trying to drink away my feelings.

It was a messy return back to the God who saved me. I found though, just as steadily as I had wandered away from him, my old habits lost their luster. As a matter of fact I found myself wanting nothing else but Jesus. Exactly how that happened is an entirely new chapter.

Pieces of Me (Part 2)

Monday, February 24, 2014

Maybe this is how Job felt. What witness can I give of my faith, when by all appearances my life is anything but put together? Could anyone on the outside looking in see what good my God has done?

The thing that hurts most is how far I am from providing the life for my children that I hoped. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I have no stable home for them. I have no respectable status in the community, no loving marriage to nurture them in. I go to bed at night without an ounce of energy to care for myself. I fend off depression by burying myself in end-times bible study, hoping for Jesus to return soon.

Last night I do believe he came to visit me. At least, in the form of a reminder of his love for us given by a random stranger. In Wal Mart, of all places.

It was the end of an exhausting shopping trip with three of the kids when this old Polish woman came right up to our cart. She placed a hand on my arm, looked me in the eyes, and said to me in broken English, “You know, people don’t mention this too much but they…” she pointed to my children, “they are living assets. You know? We have homes, I have a house, people drive cars and wear clothes. We need those things, but those things are all dead assets. They can’t really give us back anything. But children will change this world. You can never say you are without purpose. See?”

The tears were unavoidable at this moment. How did she know? We talked for a few minutes longer. Her name was Antoinette. She never had any children of her own, but oh how she sees them! She told me they are my blessings. I have been wondering all day if she was an angel.

Pieces of Me (part 1)

This morning I prayed, being so desperate to be rid of this spiritual numbness. It’s like there has been a block in my prayer life and connection to God.

While setting up my prayer space I noticed some plants needed water. I went to get the water pitcher. While watering one of them I saw it had one bunch of leaves that had discolored spots and small holes, and another bundle that had crinkled leaves like it didn’t receive enough nutrients.

I remembered that you have to removed damaged parts like that because they can affect the health of the whole plant and stunt its growth. My first thought was I really didn’t want to take away from the fulness of the plant. Nevertheless, as I plucked the bad parts off and carried them to the trash can that’s when I realized what it represented for my spiritual life. I got on my knees and cried.

My bible was opened to Hebrews chapter 6. It says that the earth that receives rain and bears fruit also receives a blessing from God, and it blesses the one who takes care of the land. But the ground that bears up thorns and weeds has to get burned away.

Then in verse 15 it tells of Abraham who had patience to wait for God’s promise. Abraham was promised that God would bless him and make many nations from his descendants. Although God had promised that He would multiply him, he had yet passed his late 90s when he finally had a son, Isaac. This son was the culmination of all his faith and hope in God, although imperfect in the waiting. This child was God’s seal that His promise was trustworthy.

Can you imagine what the day of Isaac’s birth felt like for Abraham?

Then I thought about when God had shown Himself so faithful to me in a similar way. It was the beginning of Spring in 2018. I was about 12 weeks pregnant, and my new marriage ended in a violent way. My whole world was broken. It was the most confusing and loneliest time I can remember in my life.

I questioned God. I questioned myself.

No. I hated myself. The leadership in my church turned their backs to me. It felt like my family turned their backs to me. I was a lost cause. Had God turned away from me too?

In that darkness my doctor told me I was in the middle of a miscarriage, and I would lose the baby, too.

There were three precious women from my now former church who helped me get through this. I called up one sister in Christ and could barely form the words over the phone. She came over right away, put her hands on my belly and cried for God to save my baby. Then she literally told Satan to take his hands off of my child.

The next day, and the day after that, there were no remaining symptoms. The doctor confirmed with bloodwork and ultrasound that the baby was strong and healthy.

I remember hoping for a little girl so much. I was grateful, but I thought I screwed up my life so bad I didn’t deserve that. So, when I found out the news I pretty much fell to the floor like a pile of mush.

That is God’s faithfulness. That’s His grace and love.

In Isaiah 54 I read, “Though the mountains may depart, and the hills be removed, yet my kindness shall never be taken away from you.”

I had certainly seen some mountains crumble. This was just one. But I know He keeps His promises.

Even when I’ve royally missed the mark. This is where I needed to reflect today. For every valley and every severed branch that’s been taken away from me, He has never failed to show up with a seal of His trustworthiness throughout my life: that He will never leave me or forsake me.

Dear Loving Father, you have been overwhelmingly and abundantly faithful to me. Will you quietly show me every area of my life that is dry, unhealthy, and damaged that is harming my faith and my connection to you? God, I surrender to you as the Gardener of my Soul, and I want to bring to you the honor that you deserve. Forgive me for every time I haven’t done that, and water my faith with your truth and your life. All the glory belongs to you. In the name of your Son, Jesus, I will rest, and I will grow in you. Love, me

The Unraveling

Solid ground became a past-thing. Substance and deepness were now just pebbles dribbling down a steep, cumbered side of the cliff called truth.

People were numb. They wandered without sense of feeling. Only to survive.

They didn’t even know why.

To keep climbing was only to delay the inevitable descent down as the race for foundation eroded the cliff.

Rock by rock got hurled off and they killed all the heroes.

They looked back to see them falling and sneered. That’s when I knew the only emotion they had left was hate.

It was a hate that mirrored the worst insanity you could imagine.

The people with light who still had feeling were struck with bewildering fear if caught in its fire. But it was beyond what the grace of words could offer. They were only trying to warn the masses of the avalanche.

8/4/2021

What Are You Feeding Your Soul?

Truth: Thought patterns and perspectives toward people go hand-in-hand. Veteran police officers in high-crime cities and prison correctional officers have some unfortunate realities in common. They get so jaded from dealing with criminals in their careers that they mentally deteriorate.  Not all. Some, adopt an “us and them” worldview in which they view all civilians as suspicious or guilty while becoming, progressively, only able to relate to others in their line of work; their perspective on individuals is polarized as either all “good” or all “bad”. For others, the line between themselves and the bad guys gets blurred so significantly they adopt habits just as corrupt, becoming criminally-minded themselves. Some just take the negative patterns out on their loved ones behind closed doors.

This is not an essay against the real heroes in blue who fight for us daily. However, our thought lives matter. What we surround ourselves with matter.  It’s normal to eat healthier when the numbers on the scale go way up. But what we feed the soul is inherently connected to mental baggage and the relationships around us, too.

I challenge you this: try binge-watching reality homicide shows for just a week. Then pay attention to your thoughts in normal situations with people in general. Wait…don’t.

The human brain was designed with a remarkable capacity to re-wire itself. And the choice is often a personal responsibility to spiral in cynicism or stop to reprogram it.  How loud is the pesky inner-critic?  I often have to check myself here, only to discover that it’s absolutely time for a soul-diet. 🌅

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. 9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:6‭-‬9 NKJV

2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. 3 For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.
Romans 12:2‭-‬3 NKJV

3 You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.
Isaiah 26:3 NKJV

31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31-32 NKJV

4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,
II Corinthians 10:4‭-‬5 NKJV