You had me cut down to size. You have humiliated me and pushed me down. You could rewrite history like a spin-doctor as if hurtful things you said were never said; the plans and promises you’d make could be erased, and you could declare I’m “crazy”. Your favorite thing you liked to tell me was “Something’s wrong with you”…. or my personal favorite, “It’s all in your head”. Or was that “You’ll never do anything with your life”? Imagine being told that for twelve years, save for a few gulps of air in between.
You have mocked me, bashed me, threatened me, spit on me, called me names and lied to me. You have used my own children that we made together as a weapon against me and you still do. You stalk me, gather information about me, and plot against me seeking how to further destroy me. You use your own responsibility to your children as a way to oppress me. But you have lost control.
You have belittled me; made me smaller than God had created me to be. I must confess I bought into this immaturity so many times myself. This made me just as guilty as you. Yet, you twisted the changes He had worked in my life with any and every ugly detail of my past which He Himself had saved me from; to a degree which had degraded any sense of self-worth that I held about myself. You have used the skill of a masterful craftsman to whittle down my value…as a woman; as a mother; as a child of God. But this is no compliment to you. Satan does the same thing.
As painful and dark as my time spent with you was, I am happy to announce today that I am falling in love on a radically new level, and have decided to remarry.
Please try to be happy for me. I am learning to love myself and live again, and I have reached a place where I can both forgive you and let you go. In case you were wondering, he is great with the kids and treats them as his very own. He inspires me also to be a better mom to them; better than I could ever be on my own without him. But before you get all worked up, let me share these verses with you:
“For your Maker is your husband,
The Lord of hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;
He is called the God of the whole earth.
…For the Lord has called you
Like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit,
Like a youthful wife when you were refused,”
Says your God.
…For the mountains shall depart
And the hills be removed,
But My kindness shall not depart from you,
Nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,”
Says the Lord, who has mercy on you.
O you afflicted one,
Tossed with tempest, and not comforted,
Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems,
And lay your foundations with sapphires.
I will make your pinnacles of rubies,
Your gates of crystal,
And all your walls of precious stones.
All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
And great shall be the peace of your children.
…No weapon formed against you shall prosper…”
These are the promises my new Husband gave to me…His hand-written wedding vows that last forever. And nothing- not trial, tribulation, height nor depth, persecution, hunger; neither death nor life, angels nor demons, not even powers of hell can ever separate me from His Love, who is Jesus Christ (Romans 8 31-39).
You see, when you fall in love…real love, you begin to view yourself from the perspective of the person who loves you more than you love yourself. And the last couple of days I have been catching a glimpse of my true identity in Christ. It’s a lot like finding pieces here and there of a valuable treasure lost a long time ago, or seeing a long lost friend who you loved dearly, and finding out they moved next door. The amazing part is I am also conscious that the “me” you presented ME with -was actually you. And I cannot believe how blind I have been to that! I am beginning to see who I actually am–through God’s eyes–and she looks like, walks like, talks like, and acts like PURPOSE. She behaves like a woman who is worthy of dignity, respect, and honor. She has been through the valleys and the dry deserts. She is still a little unsure; unsteady in her steps and relearning to walk. But…she is bold, confident, and she is hopeful. Even more, He has shown me a woman who is compassionate, intelligent, and downright beautiful on the inside.
You would barely recognize this woman. I promise. My God can grow me and flourish me because He made me. My God can heal the worst of hurts, and I pray somehow you find this same freedom. Until then I just want to thank you. Because you can’t knock anything down that God cannot rebuild even stronger.
“All right,” Jesus replied. “Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.”